Finding it hard!

I had MC in May, honestly thought being of birthcontrol for 8 years and nothing happening I couldn't have kids I unconsciously accepted it. In March after seeing a spiritualist she told me I was pregnant I was like no way not a chance!! She's like yip your gran (who passed in Feb 2013 :-( ) she's so happy for you she knows how much this means to you, again I was like ok but im convinced I can't conceive I've been trying long enough. Took a test and yip she was right I was 6 weeks pregnant to my utter shock and disbelief, but I was thrilled finaly I can make a little person of my own so loved and happy, saw my baby at 7 weeks 4 days. It was really happening. Planned the day of my 12 week scan, lunch scan baby shopping my mum could not wait! only 2 days before my scan I started badly bleeding only to go on & MC I am still to this day beyond devasted and especially as it's approaching my EDD 10th December, was gony be the best xmas ever now I just wish it wasnt happening as I cannot stop dweling on how things should've been and what makes it worse is I've secretly convinced myself this month could be my month as I BD more than before on important days but know I my heart im facing a BFN. Sorry for my story book but I don't know who else I can go into depth with without upsetting them. I miss my little baby so bad and have wanted nothing more in my life as much as I have my Angel. Baby dust to you all x