Depression

It's been 4 days.

This is our 2nd baby we lost. 2 babies in a row...they want to do tests. But they're expensive and they won't do them before the new year. I've met my deductible with insurance so said tests would be covered. Now hubby and I have to pay for them out of pocket...

I'm still bleeding heavy. My mom and DH went shopping and took me with...I was in sweatpants and a sweatshirt and couldn't try anything on despite them wanting me to, out of fear of bleeding in clothes I hadn't bought...

I'm sure it will change but as of right now I wish we had never tried...I'm empty, broken and feel half alive.

I'm doing this naturally, honestly don't even know if baby has passed yet, I'm too afraid to look...

I don't understand why my babies didn't get to live but I do.....I don't even want to be here anymore, I just want to be with my babies in Heaven...

I'm just ranting, please don't feel you have to respond...I just have no one to talk to. No one who's been here and won't tell me I HAVE to make myself "get over it"

What's that even mean? Which child of theirs could they just "get over"? Like it's a break up and there are plenty of "other fish"?

I clinically have depression and anxiety but came off my medication when we decided to try....

I don't know how much longer I'll make it.