Feeling guilty

My husband recently told me he wants to start to try and have a family. I was more than happy when he first bought it up, but a year ago we had gone to a friends baby shower and three days after we had found out the baby died inside her from suffocation. Since that incident I have been mortified to try and have a baby, so I've been taking my birth control without my husband knowing. But I've been feeling so guilty about lying. At the end of every month he keeps feeling disappointed and thinks something wrong with him. I don't know what to do and I know I'm wrong for lying I'm just so nervous something like that would happen to me.