My journey

Tree • Do not want kids

I've been actively ttc since December 2014. And not surprising my body decided I wasn't going to have AF since December as well. I had ttc before back in 2009 to no success. During those years I've been on the fence with trying because I know the heartache to not have a bfp but my SO said he would be there for me and said it wouldn't hurt to try. I started tracking bbt in January and a few weeks after I started taking vitex. I monitor my cm when is fertile and have taken opt pretty daily. I have no idea when I ovulate. I had period like cramps a week ago and still haven't ovulated or had a AF.

I'm to the point of just giving up. Yes I know a few months is still very new and there are loads of women that have tried for years, but I'm not those women. I'm not making this post to get sympathy either, just expressing my journey.

Yesterday, or maybe it was the day before, there was a topic on abortion here on glow. It's a very sensitive subject and I'm not here to debate it, but it did get me to make a post on Facebook about it. A friend on mine commented his view after going round and round with out answering until he finally broke down and said his answer. He talked about how hard it was for him and his wife to conceive, and that she had 2 miscarriages before finally having their son, and that the pregnancy was high risk. He views life as a miracle. Him telling what his family went through made me realize I no longer want to conceive. Not out of fear that this might happen to me, but it made me remember something I told myself as a kid. Who am I to create my own child when there are thousands that need homes now? I'm pro choice, but that doesn't stop me from knowing that those kids need someone now and I'm here wondering when I'm going to start bleeding so I can have a new cycle. How dare I be so selfish to get upset and frustrated because my body isn't allowing me to have a biological child.

So my journey went from ttc to hoping to adopt siblings within 2 years.