My heart hurts

I'm having a very rough day just over a month ago I lost a child not biological but he was my son for 11 years he was 14 when he left us... his sister and him will always be my babies I've spent so much time with them even after thier father and I split... my heart is hurting so incredibly bad today I'm amazed at how much a heart can literally hurt and continue beating... I'm naming the son I'm expecting in Aug after him giving him the same middle name with his father's blessing and it means so much to me that he wanted me to use the middle name wesley cuz thats a family name he was the 9th wesley and now my son will carry the name of his brother he will never get to meet... chance was so so excited when he found out I was having a boy he told his mother he couldn't wait cuz there was finally going to be another a boy in the family which means so much to me cuz I know he considered me family still as I did him even tho the only true connection we have family wise is my daughter is his sister... why did God have to take him so young I know there had to be a reason but I'm still so so mad at god I can't help it... I don't know how to find a new normal I don't know how to live without him I literally have to remind myself to eat I have to take sleeping pills now in order to fall asleep and I have to push myself to talk to people or leave the house... how long until life gets going again how long until I can make the movements without forcing myself how much longer can it hurt this bad... sorry to go on I just need to get out all my feelings and I don't know how to I don't know who I can talk to so I'm putting it here