To baby or not to baby?

Question

I am a stepmom of a 10 yr old ss. He lives with us and his mother gets regular visitation about 2x a month. We live in FL and she lives in MS. My husband wants us to have our own baby, but I feel it's not in the cards for us. He's gone for 6 hrs every time there is a drop off or pickup, not to mention the ex is always late atleast an hour. So that's 6 hrs x 4 every month. Also we'd never have a holiday all together. Ss goes to MS every spring break, easter, and Thanksgiving guaranteed. Christmas holiday is split in half, but what if I don't want to go to MS to see my ss for 4 hrs on Christmas and see my husbands family? What if I want to stay in my house for Christmas, which has never happened before or see my family? Do I just say, no me and our baby will stay home? We don't get any financial assistance from the ex and the state of MS won't do anything about it. We only hear from her on days when husband is supposed to meet her for a drop off.......to make sure she'll be there.

Answer

Don't let that stop you. I think as loving wives and step moms we tend to put our desires behind our husband's. But having a baby is a big deal! It's something you may regret if you never do it and you may end up resenting him. You find a way to make things work. We're expecting our first in 8 weeks and we share 50/50 custody of his two girls. It's easier for us because they're 15 min away, but harder in ways too because the woman is in my life every week! At least you get most of the time to yourselves without having to deal with her. Court orders can always be revised with a change in circumstances, maybe alternate years so you can each have a holiday to yourself every other year. Splitting Christmas sounds ridiculous with the distance. And so does her getting every easter and Thanksgiving.

Answer

I can relate to this on a lot of levels! My ss is in MN and we're out west, which means my husband and I take 4 weeklong trips a year to visit him (he's still too young to travel). Add up that time away from work, and the cost of 4 cross-country trips a year (at least $1,200 each with airfare, lodging, rental car, etc.) plus over $800/mo out the door in child support, and I really feel my husband and I may never be able to save the time off or extra money to even have a vacation anywhere else, not to mention afford our own child. I'm sorry I have no advice, just solidarity...

Answer

Don't let that stop you from having children of your own. We only get my stepdaughter (set schedule) for the summer (mid may to beginning/mid August) and alternate holidays. We live 10 hours from her and BM (we live in NJ and they live in KY) before she actually starts school, since she is only 4, we will get her for a few weeks here and there if she misses us, but other than that, she is with her mother for the school year and us in the summer... we meet half way for exchanges, and it's anywhere between 5.5-6.5 hours each way. My husband and I have a 10month old and one due in December. Our son comes with us for exchanges because my stepdaughter asks for us to bring him so she can see him as soon as we get her and so she can be with him as long as possible before leaving. It's a lot of driving, lots of holidays spent apart, and once school starts, a lot more time apart. We FaceTime every week, whether she is with us or with her mom, and extra on holidays. It's hard, and I love my stepdaughter so much, but I wanted children of my own, and as hard as it is, I wouldn't trade it for the world

To baby or not to baby?

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