Feeling heart broken and out of breath

So we've been trying to conceive for a year now and nothing.. We talked with my husband and decided to take it easy and not stress on having a baby.. Instead enjoy our marriage and if it happens then we are ready.. If it doesn't within the next 3 years then we will start treatment. I'm content with that.. Or at least until this weekend.. I'm a nurse who works with kids.. Three months ago I got a case of a two month old with a gtube. His mother is only 15 years old, and because she's so young, she sometimes doesn't see what a beautiful baby she has and how blessed she is through all the struggles. At first she asked me if I would take him in since she didn't feel up to taking care of a child with special needs.. But then she retracted and I was left with empty hands.. This weekend I took care of him and was able to get a visual of what life would have been if I'd adopt him.. It was incredible.. But today when she came to pick him up, I was left yet again with empty hands.. I know that's her baby.. I know I need to be patient and wait for my own.. But this child has touched my heart and made it whole.. I'm just devastated 😓😓😓 :(