For D&P also

Sharing in depth for you too and I was getting pissed off trying to write it and Glow telling me my content was too long. So sorry for the extra post: 

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In the 7th grade, my dad started getting more violent and controlling. I don't remember what had happened to start it but I know after his mom died, it got much worse. He hid money from my mom, he grabbed at her, he threatened us. On my 13th birthday, We stayed at a neighbor's house and slept in their living room. They bought me a birthday cake and that's where I spent my birthday while my dad sat in our huge house because he refused to leave. I remember sitting on my mom's best and refusing to leave because he was screaming at her. I would hide my little siblings and stay on the bed with her even when he screamed at me to live. He constantly threatened to kill our dog and my mom and called her a whore, a c***, all sorts of names. I have called the police on more than one occasion. They told him if he keeps it up, he's coming with them next time. He was really good at pretending. 

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One night, I told my mom I wanted to leave. She told me that I wouldn't have any of my things, my dogs, my school. I said that's fine. So while he was out, we packed up our minivan with clothes and us four kids and drove about 30 mins to stay with my mom's friend Jane. I finished 7th grade that year but at Jane's house. We lived in their basement and I slept in the floor with my 2 sisters, my brother, and my mom. Every week day morning, I had to get up really early because the drive to school was about 30 mins. We left their house and went to another friend's house in a new school district. I slept in a hall closet. My siblings slept in the woman's living room. I also started school at the new district. I had no friends and I did not talk to anyone. I did fine in classes. By now my dad had custody Friday nights through Monday morning. He lived at my aunts and so we slept on the floor around his bed at her house. Every time he would pick us up, he'd carry on and scream about someone she was fucking, which she wasn't, and called her all kinds of things. He would take my phone the entire weekend. Monday mornings he had to wake up early to be driven to school since he lived about 45 mins away. I dreaded going every weekend. I would hurt myself, and wanted to die. I had none of my possessions, my dogs were given away, I hated living in everyone's home but my own. I started 9th grade and he still had custody of me and my siblings. I joined marching band and it became the main focus of my life. Most of the stuff was on the weekends and he would scream after picking me up from them that he wouldn't be taking me to any of it and that he was making me quit. It was the only thing that got me friends, the only thing that I had really going for me. I remember he came to pick me up one day. By then we had our own small apartment. 2 bedrooms with little furniture. My mom shared the bed with my little brother and my little sister. I shared the other room with my other sister. My dad came to pick us up one Friday and I told him I wasn't going. He screamed and shouted and my mom's boyfriend, Jeff, went down to talk to him. He said terrible things to Jeff and screamed about fucking his wife. Which I guess he was since my dad refuses to go through with the divorce papers. He screamed for me to come down and wound up calling the police. The police officer told him that he was not removing a teenage girl to go with him to his house of she didn't want to. I never went over with him again accept when he calmed down a few years later. And it was just for a wedding. 

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Fast forward to my junior year of highschool. We live with Jeff at his much larger house. My mom got her dog back. My dad still gets the younger two as they love him and can't remember much. My sister stopped going. I had been broken up with by my first serious boyfriend. I worked very closely with the neighbor next door and his wife, pretty close as family. Went over upset and the man who I treated as an uncle, stuck his tongue down my throat and grabbed at my thighs. I told my parents and Jeff wanted to go kick his ass and call the cops. I cried and told them I didn't want anyone involved. I just don't want to see him again. They went and questioned him and he denied it. I had felt pretty stable for a while and this tore a hole in it. 

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Today I have PTSD from both. I have went to counseling and I have gotten it down but I still get nightmares of my dad hurting my mom and I sob when Matt raises his voice in an argument. Older men give me anxiety. A trusted family member, close family friend, professor, doesn't matter. They get close to me and my mind thinks they're too close and going to touch me or worse. I cry because I shouldn't feel that way. I flinch when people touch me, it took me a full year before I stopped doing it with Matt. I am terrified of losing my possessions or being homeless. 

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Highschool made my life better. College is where I'm at and I have a wonderful life. I'm in an apartment with Matt, financial matters don't terrify me. I've come a very long way from that kid who wanted to hurt herself in her makeshift closet bedroom in the 8th grade. Things will get better as long as you give it a have too. I didn't think I'd be here today. I was sure my dad was going to get to me or I was going to get to myself. 

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Everything is fixable and no matter how bad you feel sometimes, it fixes.