I envy her..

I'm posting anonymously because I am embarrassed by what I'm about to tell you. I'm in a relationship with a man who is almost 13 years older then  I. He has two children from a past marriage, and I love them dearly. But I'll admit, I envy his daughter. I envy their relationship they have, how strong their bond is. I never had that, with my real father or step father. I never got that "daddy's girl in a mamas world". She does, and I'm happy for her because I would never wish her the damage I have from not receiving this bond. But not only do I envy her, I find myself jealous. And I hate to admit that. I'm jealous of the attention she gets, the little things he does to see his daughter smile. I want that too. And it sound selfish I know. I never say anything as I hear how horrible it sounds. Sometimes I think she's trying to compete with me so I simply step aside as I do not want to compete or overstep my grounds. I'm not really sure why I'm posting, I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest.