Birth Story Jealousy/Shame

I wanted an unmedicated homebirth with everything in my soul. I didn't get it. I tried but there were medical complications and i ended up with three failed epidurals and pitocin. Both times i birthed. In shitty hospitals. I was torn apart. I had nothing to share with the moms i knew and my family. I wasn't raised or included in communities where this is common. I'm ashamed of my birth stories and feel i was robbed. My births were traumatic. I recently found out. That one of the shittiest rudest most elitist people in my life (whom has literally always wanted a birth as medicated as possible but wished she could go all natural for the bravery pts - a thing she actually told me.) Just had a fucking 2 hr labor+birth. All natural. At home. Unplanned. I'm so fucking jealous and sad. I'm glad it seems like it went alright for her but damn. I feel like i missed out on this opportunity all the other women in my shitty life have had. EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T EVEN PLAN IT. I'm so sad and angry. Im posting here because i know a lot of people won't understand and will offer unhelpful/un-empathetic responses like "all that matters is health" to me and honestly that just hurts and is invalidating. I figured if anyone would understand its women possibly dealing with similar stuff. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I've got two kids and no one to take them so I can have a personal day to cry and recuperate. Ugh. Life. Thanks for reading.