Postpartum "Baby blues"
Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I have put up a wall of my emotions with my family. I always was either happy or excited, but in reality.. I was scared & sad. How could I be having a baby, when I was just starting my life? A baby is a blessing, of course! But I felt disappointed that my life was no longer going to be about me, but this baby growing inside of me..
I never told my doctor. Never told my family nor my boyfriend. Maybe I should've.
Just because I was sad, didn't mean I didn't love my baby. Because I do! He is the world to me!
But.. I still feel sad & alone when I'm left alone with my son, all day - every day. Yes, I get help when my boyfriend comes over to see his son & my mom when she gets home from work. But I can't help but feel this way.
When I'm alone & my son cries, I cry. Because I feel like a failure. I feel like I'll never be a good enough mother for him. I'll never be the mother he deserves to have.. I get sad thinking about how it'll be when he grows up. Will he love me? Will he see me as his mother? Will he ACCEPT that I'm his mother?
Not sure what to do.
But I know that I don't want to tell my doctor, because I'm afraid that I'll be put on medication or maybe even have to get tested for all of this.. I'm not a danger to my son nor myself. I just feel sad when I'm alone with my son.
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