Am i wrong?

Question

Okay so I speak English. I am learning Spanish for my husband... Ive been learning for about 3-4 years.And he doesn't speak English. Well he understands maybe half but it comes out wrong when he speaks. Well I have a problem...he speaks not only Spanish but a Spanish dialect also. And he has a whole group of friends. Some live with us when they are in the us on work visas. But other friends are here year round. Well I feel left out when his friends and their families are around. Not only men but his friends wives or female/male cousins. They speak that dialect while talking to my husband and are looking at me....and I'm just like 😶😶. To me its rude. They come to my house. And I'm the only one not speaking...so I usually distance myself or just stay on the phone BC they don't include me. I have had several conversations with my husband and he says there isn't anything he can do. He can't make them stop talking their language(even though they speak fluent Spanish also). And I get mad all the time. I have cried my eyes out many times. And this has been a major problem in our marriage. I have gotten jealous.. Mad.. Sad. It is just ughhh! Hard! Am I wrong for asking my hubby not to speak that language when I am around? Idc if he speaks it when im not there but I am feeling left out. They will make plans and everything and not tell me until the last minute right before he is suppose to leave or do it...and I look like the bad guy if I say no....His friends are always around! Like I said a couple of them live with us!! And this is a everyday problem for me. What am I to do? I'm trying to learn but my hubby doesn't want to teach me until I learn ALL of Spanish first.

Answer

How did you get married without being able to communicate? My husband second language is English, first is Brazilian Portuguese (which I do not understand). It's been hard at times but he does have a great vocabulary.

Answer

My husband speaks English and my first language is Spanish. When I met him I barely spoke English. However, I'm the person who moved to USA, and I felt it was my responsability to learn the language if I was planning to live here. I took classes for 2 years, and my husband committed to help me also. Once I was able to be independent I started to teach him some Spanish. None of my family speaks English, so when we are around them I translate everything for my husband and for my family. He is gonna have to work hard in learning, and may give him many headaches but it will be totally worth it. Talk to him into take classes in a school.

Answer

I wonder if he goes out and spends time with your English speaking friends where he is the odd one out? If he does then, it shows he's trying somewhat. I can understand why he enjoys having his friends around. It feels like home. I get it. But if he sees you are not comfortable and end up isolating yourself and not interacting then there is something wrong. He should bring you into the conversations somehow.. by translating which would help you learn their dialect even faster. This is what kind people do. And if I were you I would invite a few of your own friends over so that you have some balance and more people to talk to.

Answer

It's incredibly rude to speak a language when you're hanging out with someone that they done understand, and not translate it if you're capable. It's exactly as if they were leaning over and whispering to each other in front of you. Children do such things, not adults. If he speaks both, he should be the one translating, if not word for word then at least the gist.

That said you need to find a way around this stupid refusal of his to teach you. Maybe make up to one of his female friends and ask her. Or, tell him you're not learning another word of Spanish till he starts teaching you the dialect. Made him teach you a new word every time wants you to understand Spanish. Plus honestly if they're all speaking dialect more than Spanish, it would be much easier to learn that because you're more exposed.

Answer

Okay I understand if you need to help some of his friends out a couple of times but why does it sound like they practically live with you?! Kick them out!

Also, I'm African but my husband is British. I speak fluent English because I moved to Europe when I was little. So does all my family. My mother however, prefers to speak our language. I speak to my mother every day after work in my language, but, I ensure I throw English in there every couple of sentences so that my husband can get the gist of what we're talking about and not feel left out.

It is highly disrespectful and inconsiderate of them, although, they might not be talking about you. It still makes you feel bad and left out so your husband should at least take that into consideration!

I always go out of my way to tell my husband what my mother and I have discussed after she's gone off the phone. My husband really doesn't mind, but I still feel the need to tell him so he doesn't feel insecure.

Have another word with your SO. He sounds pretty dominant to me. You sound like a great woman. I'd tolerate people coming to stay in my house for a couple of days max. Anymore and they can go and get a hotel!

Am i wrong?

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