call me crazy but I haven't tested yet 😔

I have irregular periods don't really know when they come but the last time I had one was August 4th and it's been almost 3 months since I haven't had one. I know I have to just ease my mind and test because I remember a few weeks ago I had pink spotting but deep down I am terrified and going to get veryyy discouraged if it's another bfn cause I've been trying for sooo long. I'm not having any pregnancy symptoms at all I know some women don't but I think it's rare but like I know I have too soon but I know it's going to be negative that's why I'm so nervous 😪 I want to but I just can't.