ladies that have been cheated on?

Question

How long did it take you to move on and trust your so again if you chose to stay with them?

I'm having a hard time and I know it isn't an oh your sorry okay I'm over it now. My so knows it will take time but he completely doesn't get that now that the trust has been broken he needs to really work on earning my trust back. I don't want to say all trust is gone. I trust that he'll look after me or make sure I'm safe. But I'm so wary of what he does it makes me second guess myself. I want to think that's normal since I'm still trying to move on. It wasn't any physical cheating, just stuff online. I know apps and the internet aren't the problem and he shouldn't get rid of them because he's the problem.

**EDIT*** thank you so much for those who have shared their experience. I've truly felt so alone in this. I haven't told anyone but on here today because I felt ashamed that this happened to me. I shouldn't feel ashamed. I hope I can work and move onwards. We had a relationship that was good for two years before the cheating.

Answer

The guy I lost my virginity to cheated on me, several times. His best friend came to my house at 2am , picked me up and took me by the girls house and sure enough his car was outside. About 2 weeks later I ended things because I just could not regain my trust at all & every time I looked at him I literally just wanted to shoot him. I wasn't over him, I still loved him, what made me move on is when I went & got checked for STD's because he we cheating on me, and I came back with chlymydia . That ended my feelings right there. Thank GOD it's curable !!

Answer

It depends on what kind of cheating you're talking about. I got cheated on by my husband. Physically while we were dating with his ex. The same one who would message me on social media and give me details about how they fucked😒I forgave him, (stupid I know) then I found out he never stopped talking to her. He said it was just "talking on the phone" even though I saw the phone records. Sorry but you don't talk on the phone the day we get back from our honeymoon with her for THREE hours if there's no feelings there!?? He pressured me to marry him, I always wondered why. It's because he knew deep inside I would leave him if I found out about her and we weren't married. He knew how strongly I believed in marriage. They kept this up until I was 7 months pregnant when I found out. Even though he "says" he never cheated physically while we were married, emotional cheating causes just as much damage. He still denies he did anything, I don't believe him. Who knows? He could be telling the truth. Maybe, maybe not? He's ruined my trust not only in men, but in humanity in general. I have to go to therapy now. Cheaters suck.

Answer

My husband cheated on me 10 years ago and I'm still not entirely over it... a part of me will always feel hurt and betrayed. I still have trust issues at times. I love him though and we've continued to work through it all these years

Answer

I was engaged to a guy and he slept with his ex from high school in June of 2013.

I got married to my husband in May of 2014. I honestly can't remember the last time that ex dude even crossed my mind 😂

Answer

Once. We broke up a couple weeks later (I was young and wasn't sure how to handle it.) I went out of town for my grandma's funeral and got a call from my friend that he was seen at a basketball game with one of my friends. I got home and worked through my feelings, Eventually ending in a nasty breakup with a restraining order against him because he wouldn't leave me alone, showing up at my.place, texting and calling, etc..  My dad helped a lot. If my husband ever does its over immediately, I learned my lesson.

Answer

I've been cheated on twice. The first guy cheated on me several times but it was literally all for sexual fulfillment. I truely believe he was not looking for or having any emotional connection with anyone else--just physical. I also caught him in the act, then after confronting him, he was completely honest about everything. He didn't lie at all. All of those factors made it easier for me to move past and get over. He never cheated on me again after that, but we fought over everything because of lifestyle differences so eventually we split ways. He's a great guy and we are still friends. He would do anything for me if I needed it. 
The second guy that cheated on me became extremely defensive when confronted. He wouldn't be honest and tell me what was going on. He also had emotional connections and real relationships with the women he cheated with. With him it was far from just physical.  I never fully trusted him again. He cheated on me multiple times with multiple different women. And again, he was extremely defensive and easily angered when confronted.

To me, because of the very different experiences I had, I would say if he is honest with you about everything and does not become defensive, it is much easier to trust him again and he is more deserving of that trust again. Of course, be cautious and take precautions to make sure it doesn't happen again as you stated, but don't withhold trust from him or let t affect your normal interactions with him because that will cause tension and make the whole situation worse. Also, it can be hard to get to the bottom of this and hard to discern this, but if it's more than just physical, there's another red flag that t will likely happen again, whether he is defensive about it or not. 
Good luck girl. Let this make you guys stronger as a couple and remind each other daily that you are on the same team.

Answer

My ex cheated on me and I moved out within two weeks. I knew it was over - it was done before that, but I thought we could work it out. I was wrong.

Answer

First, cheating is cheating, even if it's not physical. Second, it takes so much more than time. It takes a LOT of rebuilding, not only from him, but from you too. If it's something that becomes obsessive to you, like you're always checking up on him, I strongly suggest that you seek therapy, and potentially therapy for the both of you. Now, I'm not saying you be like "ohhh it's okay! I completely trust you!", but try not to go crazy and check his phone every night, for hours. It isn't good for you or your relationship.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Cheating is hard on a relationship. But be open with each other. If you're having a bad day and you NEED to make sure he's not doing anything, tell him that's why you need. And a year in, when things have been great for a while, but something trips your memories, don't get mad at yourself for getting tripped up. Talk to him about it. I'm not sure if anything I'm saying is making sense. I'm just thinking back on what I would tell myself when I went through it 4.5 years ago...... that man is now my husband.

Answer

I was cheated on in my first real relationship. I was pretty young but I couldn't get past it. We broke up and got back together 4 times before it ended for good. Even though he cheated on me it took me 3 years to be fully over him. And honestly, I think it changed me forever. I never fully trusted a man again. I am married now and I do trust my husband, but sometimes I still wonder if he could or would cheat on me. I still have the urge to go through his phone (I don't now but did in the beginning of our relationship).

It's something you'll have to really work on to move past. I would suggest one on one counseling and also couples counseling.

ladies that have been cheated on?

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