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OCD/Skin-picking

Jess • Wed, Jan 25

I've been picking my skin for 13 years now and I'm SO TIRED. I've been getting fake nails at salons which has helped a lot but then every so often I'll go on like four-hour picking and totally any progress. I'm covered in scars yo the point where I can't wear the clothes I want and I'm super self-conscious. Putting bandaids on my fingers was a great solution except when I had to go out bc who the fuck wears bandaids in on their fingertips, plus it smells after a while and gets all sweaty/pruny.

I was doing great but last night my face/neck/upper arms/back (my worst places) were so fucking itchy and I just HAD to pick, it felt like I was covered in blackheads and junk that needed to be clawed out. I'm probably not, but with this kind of OCD, I'm never sure.

I can't look in mirrors, I have to use the bathroom and sometimes even shower with the lights off, I'll wear gloves and hats even indoors, etc. My boyfriends very patient about it and he helps when he can and it's never affected how he feels about me so that's cool.

But I worry how it'll affect me in the ~real world~. Like, who would you give a job too, a clear-skinned scarless lady or a lady whose face is all red from a half-hour of picking and scabs that may or may not be bleeding because they haven't healed even in 5 years? It even got so bad last year it affected my grades. I nearly flunked three courses because I'd neglect class or homework to pick.

I'm so frustrated and so tired and I'm afraid I'll never be able to stop for good. I used to pull my hair out, and the only reason I stopped that was because I moved on to my skin. I'm going crazy! Skin regimens could help with the scarring/acne, sure, but I'll stick pick at things that probably aren't even there.

Edit: I've been seeing a psychologist which has helped a bit (we meditate anx stuff). I tried taking meds but that only made it scary worse

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