3 year old tantrums

HOW do you deal with toddler tantrums?! Good grief I'm struggling here! We've tried everything. And how do you teach respect without sounding overbearing? He's almost 4 And he's constantly talking back and telling me no. This last episode he literally ran in circles around the kitchen away from me screaming. I don't know what to do!!! To top it off the 1yo has the flu & I have the flu so I'm already exhausted and being pulled in every direction. I just need help 😫