Would your feelings be hurt?

Question

My now husband works as a contractor so 3 months on the road straight and 4 home, and so forth. When he's away from work, he's a little insecure and always makes it about the baby. I'm very social and have lots of friends some with babies and most without. We always go to bday parties and events but when he's away, he acts that I'm wrong for doing what WE always do. Tonight I go to dinner with my gf, rsvp is 8:30 and dinner is wrapping up and today my baby is fussy, she's tired from being at the sitter and normally well behave and sits while we eat-- not today. I had to hold her and eat the entire night. So I check my phone at 10 and he's like "hello??" And I'm like "sorry I just got to my phone, the baby was being fussy and I had to hold her all night". And he's like "you can snap pics but not reply? Why is the baby out til 10? You have a kid now, I don't know what to say, you can't always do what you want". REALLY?! Cause I'm out having dinner with my gf and what time did you expect us to be done?! 9?? Like it hurt my feelings to think he kind of want me to stay home and watch her after taking care of her for months on end, by myself, while working a full time job and going out once a week is too much.

Answer

Personally I wouldn't be out at dinner with the baby at 10pm. I do think that sometimes you need to stay home with the baby especially if she's fussy. Seems like he feels you're enjoying life and he's busy supporting your life and not having one of his own.

Answer

Tell him to stop.. seriously. You deserve a night out w out his shit. Simple as that.

Answer

My feelings wouldn't be hurt but I would want him to get over it because you deserve to have a life and have some fun.

Answer

I don't think it's a big deal to have the baby out that late at that age. We used to take my baby to bowling on Sunday nights past 9 because at that age they just fall asleep generally if they're tired in the stroller or car seat. I would speak with him about his judgment on your parenting decisions. He's supposed to support you and your choices unless you're harming the baby in some way. And keeping the baby awake past 10 for one night out of the week is not a huge deal and doesn't hurt the baby in any way. So she was a little grumpy. Not a big deal. But I would have a problem with my husband scolding me as if he knows better when he's not even home to help me. And I'd tell him that.

Answer

Though I think he might have said it wrong, I  agree with your SO. Life changes after you have a baby and it's not about you, but about your child. If she was fussy, you shouldn't have gone out. You always could have had your friend go to your house and ate take out, or gone out another night when the baby wasn't as tired/cranky. To me it just sounded like he was annoyed that you had her out when it sounds like she would have preferred to be home sleeping.

If you feel that this is a common issue when he's away, I'd definitely bring it up to him in a non-confrontational way. Remind him that you guys are sometimes out that late when he's home, so it's not like you're just out that late because he's not there. I also suggest maybe deciding on a 'be home time' that you guys go by whether he's home to not, in hopes that it helps with this issue. Then no matter what you're doing or who you're with, you know a good time to be home by and he no longer can complain that you're out 'too late' when he's not there, as it was an agreed upon time by both of you.

Answer

I think you should definitely be able to have dinner with your friends, but being out around 10 with a baby is pretty late. Not to mention, the only people out the late on a weekend are most likely drinking, driving... the risk of something happening is a lot higher. Maybe just go out to eat earlier in the evening when you have the baby with you?

Answer

I mean it entirely depends. What is your baby's schedule? My son is in bed by 8:30 so having him out till 10 wouldn't be acceptable, and if my husband was out with him that late I would be pissed and probably say the same thing as your husband. But if your kid stays up till midnight every night then I don't see the problem.

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Going out is fine but no need to be out til 10 with a baby IMO.

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Ok so I personally would not have my baby or any of my children out til 10pm. I do tho however agree that you should be able to go out to dinner with friends.

A possible compromise...
~Arrange earlier dinner plans
~Ask hubby if he'd like to join or
~Maybe hubby would like to enjoy time with the baby by himself. Then at that point 10pm would never be an issue since baby would already be home.

Answer

Maybe he wants to spend more time with you and the baby? But I think when you baby is fussy it might be better to head home. I have two kids too, one of them just turned 5 weeks so I know when she is fussy it's time to wrap up (even tho I never go out at night)

Would your feelings be hurt?

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