can someone offer me advice and help?

Question

I'm 18 and I'm a new mom with no experience with babies and I live with my mother, i just feel like the baby loves my mom more and knows her more because she sleeps with my mom but we both have equal time with her. I change her, feed her and play with her and bathe with her I sing to her and everything; but because I'm new I don't know what I'm doing and my mom is disabled, so all the housework and cooking falls to me. Therefore I am usually cleaning or cooking but I just feel like the baby doesn't know me or love me because my mom is just better with her than me and I'm getting so stressed out because when she's crying I get even more stressed because I don't know how to help her when I've gone through the checklist of hunger, diaper, cold, hot, pain etc. I just want to know I'm not alone and maybe have some advice that's not professional. Maybe have another mother to talk to going through similar things. Thanks.

Answer

Sometimes when baby cries it's for love or tired. I know it's hard and stressful but you need to remember that baby can feel your stress. Instead of handing baby to mom just ask your mom what you can do. Your mom just wants to help and taking baby doesn't always help even though it's her instinct to do that. Talk with her about your feelings.

Answer

Try not to see it in a negative way - your daughter has not one but two people who love her and look after her. She will know exactly who her mom is, even if your mother spends a lot of time with her.
And don't worry about feeling helpless or out of your depth - that's basically the normal state of most new moms. I'm 37 and was totally clueless when they handed me a small human being :-)
Just keep doing what you do, don't stress to much and you'll see that you're doing ok.

Answer

Honestly, you're going to have to take over most of the baby related responsibilities if you want your baby to see you as the mother. It seems the baby sees your mom as its mom. You should do all the diapering and feeding, and the baby should sleep with YOU. Grandma should only get a little playtime and cuddles each day, not big chunks of responsibility for baby's well-being. If you really want baby to bond closer to you instead of grandma, you'll have take over. You can either do this, or continue to have your mom also be your kid's mom.

Answer

I agree with the person who said that you should ask your mom what else you can try to soothe the baby rather than hand baby off to her. My husband is kind of new to taking care of babies and sometimes it's soooo much easier for me to just take my son from him when he cries. I have tried to resist doing this though because my husband cares for my son three or four days a week when I'm at work and he has to learn how to soothe the baby himself. My husband kept insisting that the baby would not let him sit down with him. Every time he tried to sit down while holding my son, he cried. I told my husband to try holding him in different positions while sitting. I told him to try rocking harder in the rocking chair and FINALLY my husband found a way to sit down while holding my son where he wasn't crying. Anyway, my point is that this is a learning process and that you will gain more confidence if you try to soothe baby on your own and maybe just ask your mom for advice, if you need it!

Answer

Forget your checklist. Calm down. The least your feeling stressed the least the baby will be. They can sense your panic. Calm down you had her your instincts will kick in the more time you share with her you will be able to look at her and immediately know what's wrong. I recommend you sleeping with her. I'm not sure why your mom is, but she is your baby and you need to bond with her and being close to her protecting her at night is a huge thing for your baby. Slow down. Forget house work for once. And spend your time with her. Things will work out. The more work you put on yourself  the more stressed you are. Nothing is perfect. Enjoy your baby.

Answer

I was going through that but except my daughter never sleeps with anyone but me and her daddy im 22 and this is my first baby "no experience but im learning alot thanks to my mother in law

Answer

My SO goes through this since I'm home a little more with our baby and I helped raise my sisters when they were newborns so I have more experience. Baby calms down with him when he takes baby outside, maybe try that, it feels like baby expects me to comfort him if he's inside but if he's somewhere else he's ok with someone else. And you'll get better at this with time. You're learning an entire new skill set--parenting--and it's one of the hardest things to do, so it's gonna take some practice and tears and mistakes. As long as you're trying, you're doing great.

Answer

I feel the Dane way about my son and my husband. My husband is a stay at home dad so he gets a lot more time with our son than me. What I do to try and feel connected to my son is breastfeed him add much as I can when I'm home and I also wake up for his 4am feeding and cuddle with him on our bed. He and I snuggle and sleep together from 4am to 7am (time I get up for work) and it's amazing.

can someone offer me advice and help?

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