What I can't tell him.

We've had some rough years. Our relationship has been both heaven and hell. But now, we're not really anything. We share a bed but that's about it. I told you I don't love you the way I'm supposed to and the way you deserve to be loved. I promised you to change that. I promised you i'd do whatever I could to find those lost feelings but thats just it. They're lost. You told me, you'd make an effort to get a job, play less computer games and share the household duties with me. You haven't. Every time you tell me, you can't get around it. It seems like an impossible task. When I ask why or how it seems impossible you get so angry. I try to love you. I try to fix our relationship as I promised you but it seems like I'm the one doing all the work. You won't get a job because the state has you covered. You don't care about that means I have to work twice as much. You don't want to pay off your debt cause it's "not your fault" so i'm paying for you. I want to leave but I feel like I can't. I feel like I owe you to stay. When I told you I don't love you like I should, you told me you couldn't continue living without my help. You told me to fix my emotions so we could continue. You told me that you're positive my lack of feelings are a result of the abortion. An abortion where you made gag noises when you saw the blood and rushed out while I was crying, in pain. I was devastated. You gagged.

I want to get out.