Bitter Sweet News

I got news from a close relative today that she was pregnant. My initial reaction was excitement, but after getting off the phone and settling down for the evening the jealousy, self-doubt, and self-pity started taking over. I guess I am here for support because I feel guilty for not being able to maintain the excitement. I think the fact that I will be 35 in two weeks doesn't help. I was dx'd with PCOS about 10 years ago. Since then I've lost weight and my periods regulated themselves. I was pregnant and miscarried about 9 years ago. I have been in a monogamous relationship with my bf for 1.5 years and we are both ready to be parents. We don't practice any means of bc and we really haven't taken anything too serious as far as planning for a baby. I guess I am just expecting pregnancy to just happen and questioning <beating myself up> why it hasn't happened yet! I am fearful I will never be a mother. I have been on an emotional roller coaster the past few weeks because year 35 is upon me...I am scared my window of opportunity will soon close. Today's news just doesn't help me feel better. I know her news isn't about me and I should just be happy!

I guess I need advice from others who understand where I am coming from. What do you do to keep your emotions in check? How can I be happy for her and still take care of my own emotional mess of wondering if I will ever be a mother or not?

Thank you in advance,

SB