He used me..

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Okay.. I'm still trying to come to terms that this guy I've been seeing only sweet talked me to get what he wanted. Which was devirginizing me. I'll start from beginning. So this was back in the early month of March of this year, I had went out with this guy called S. Sadly, S was a fuckboy. Since S didn't work out I wanted to find someone else and I did. Let's call him J. About a week and a half after I saw S I started talking to J. He was out and open with everything including the fact he was 30, I'm 20 so the age gap was there yet it didn't bother me, he wanted the same thing as me (which was a relationship), basically I liked this guy for the right reasons. I was digging him. And at the end of the day I was like "HALLELUJAH I FOUND HIM!". So about three weeks after I've been talking to J, he invites me to come to his place and watch a movie, April 2nd. When I first met him, he acted like he did when we communicated through texting and phone calls. Mind you, I met him on an app. We continued to talk more and then he asked me what movie I wanted to watch. We ended up picking one and then I kid you not a few moments into the movie he asks me questions. Like how many fingers I put in me. He proceeds to pull his dick out and yeah, he took my virginity that night. I do not regret losing it to him however I regret my poor decision making at the time.. As I've continued to see this guy, his true intentions became noticeable. He was all sweet and loving, then he became controlling, manipulating, demanding, and lied about a lot of shit. Plus it didn't feel right anymore because every time he wanted me to visit we'd fuck. When we're personally together things are great and if it's through texting he turns into a dick. He demanded me to text him on his time and if I don't do it he gets mad, treatens to delete my number or accuses me of texting another man. EVERY DAMN TIME. He'd start arguments over via text message and it'd last awhile. Then he'd be like "so when are you coming over?". He told me he's the way he is because a lot of gals cheated on him. That's the only excuse he'd always give me. Basically it was his way or no way. It was understandable in the beginning but he'd always use that excuse too much. On April 27 he wanted me to stay with him. I did. I gave in to sex because if I didn't I felt like he'd get mad and hurt me. Or accuse me of more stupid shit I haven't even done. After that I desperately needed to talk to him. The truth unfolded. He never told me his real last name, he failed to mention he has five kids, he never truly told me what he wanted from me yet he did but his actions weren't adding up since we'd only fuck when I come to stay with him. I saved the best for last, he told me his real age which was 40. At that point I felt sick. I've texted him four days ago giving him a piece of my mind and basically ended things then and there. He never texted back.

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The red flags I should've noticed was that his behavior was way off when we'd text versus being personally together, he lied about his name, age, the fact he had children, and blamed me for not remembering when he swore he told me all of this. I'm pretty sure I'd remember all of this. Also when I'd be in bed on my phone when he's sleeping I'd get scared if he moves or wakes up a little to catch me on my phone. I have nothing to hide, yet I'd be afraid he'd yell or accuse me of being with another guy. Idk where I'm going with this post. This was the first person I shared my body with and idk if the second guy would treat me the same like J did. Obviously I got out of a "troubling relationship" or call it what you will. I just need some sort of encouragement and positive words.