Ttc just need some support

Ok so I'm new but I'm getting married November 18th of this year and well we have been together for 6 years and have been trying to have a baby for 4 years I'm 25 but when I was 18 I guy I dated at the time raped me and I got pregnant and I was confused and depressed and alone (because as a child I was physically and mentally abused for 13 years of my life it ended when I was 17 by my adopted mother) so I had no one and I prayed and made a decision to either take my life or have an abortion and I choose the latter and I feel like I'm being punished for it like I deserve it for doing what I did and I wish I could take it bake and I can't my dr did tell me that my cervix faces almost completely backwards and I just feel like something is wrong with me