I don't want to turn into my mother

Alright, I love my mom don't get me wrong! We all make mistakes. I wasn't easy to deal with. I constantly hear from everyone how much I cried and fussed. When my dad left, I went crazy. I was 12, I started letting guys do stuff to me and with me because I wanted that attention so bad. My mom started cutting and was in the hospital for emotional breakdowns. My dad had his new girlfriend over every time we visited and I had to share a bed with her. He gave my mattress to her for her house, so I slept on a metal futon frame. Yes there were blankets for some padding. I started drinking and smoking weed by 14. Everyone in school called me a slut because the boy who told me he loved me when I was 12, got mad that I didn't let him have sex with me for long enough and told everyone I was a slut. I contemplated suicide my whole life. I attempted a few times. Every relationship except the one I'm in has been abusive. I am backtracking, sorry, I remember as a kid being mad. Being flat out unhappy. Idk why I really don't. Everytime we went somewhere any parking lot was a "spanking lot" I was threatened with this constantly and I remember my parents laughing thinking g it was funny. I threw tantrums, full blown screaming fits, until I was 12. My mom would leave me in my room and I'd fy and scream for hours. I remember this for as long as I can remember. I am 26, 5 month old boy who has changed my life. SO loves me and I am happy. Like actually happy. I don't deserve my boy, he is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love him with everything in me and there is NOTHING I wouldn't do for him. I am scared though. I always had emotional problems, I still struggle to calm myself in situations. How can I help him when he is older? I want him to know he is okay and he can calm down on his own. I didn't, and I was a miserable child!!! I want him happy, I want to do it right, I don't want to act out of anger or frustration. What do I do? Do I do what my parents did and leave him screaming in a room? Or do I do the opposite and risk him being coddled. I know this may be dumb, and I'm sorry if it sounds comlainy. I just want to do it right. What are some good books for dealing with stuff like this? Any comments or suggestions are welcome.