acceptance

so my future sister in law came home with the her new born baby I didn't know what to think besides being jealous cuz I have wanted to get pregnant for the past four years yesterday she needed me to hold the baby cuz she needed to make a bottle for him I didn't know what to think and all my emotional feels came out like a hurricane I cried my eyes out only because I wish it was my baby I was hold not someone else's baby so I ran upstairs to try and calm myself down my sister in law came to see me and wanted to tell me that she knows I have been trying to have one and that she didn't mean to hurt me in all honesty it's noones fault of how I felt but I told her the reason why I want a baby so bad is so that I can prove myself that I can be responsible to have a child when I was four I was adopted I lost my dad from cancer and my mother left me in hot ass car windows rolled up and then doors locked and I was in my car seat I guess what I'm trying to say is that I went through hell and explaining to her what I went through and why I want a baby so bad made since to her but it's not just what I went through I feel like I'm so ready to have a baby me and my husband both have good paying job we have everything we ever wanted just not a baby yet so my sister in law told me that if I'm willing to fight for what I want good chance is that I will get it may not be today or tomorrow but maybe years and maybe that's a good think but she made me feel good about myself and accept that there is a new baby in the family so after we talked I told her I wanted to hold the new baby and I held him as I was balling my eyes out uncontrollable but she noticed I am really ready to have one and that made me realize that this time is my time to have one so I vow that I will be happy for those that have thier bundle of joy and that someday I will have mine