Well I guess I'll start from the beginning, I've been dating my L for 6years "we broke up twice" over that course of time. The first four years of me and Ls relationship he was cheating on me the entire time! I found out and was shattered only because I really felt he would never betray me in that way knowing what I had been through in past relationships. but he did betray me in the worst way, I found out he was messing around with multiple women including a few ex's. For a while I blamed myself actually felt like there was something I did wrong and maybe in some way it was my fault. After everything I stuck by his side through he still looked me in my eyes and lied me everyday. So me being broken I reached out to one of my ex E and long story short I went MIA for a few days with my ex E. I did go back to L after those few days and told him months later what really happened. After that nothing was the same between us, we grew apart. I ended up moving back to my home town with my grandmother and started working at a local restaurant it was then me and Ls relationship was really on the rocks. I had no intentions of meeting anyone else or even pursuing anything with anyone I was so over guys! I would be at work and L would call me none stop I swear to purposely ruin my day because we were miles apart. At that time I didn't notice that V was pretty much listening in on my convos with L. So oneday I'm working and L calls me we get in another argument I let him know I'm at work and I wasn't dealing with his bs and hung up the phone. V over heard the whole conversation and long story short we started talking on the phone. something happened between that time because since that day I haven't been able to get V off my mind. I broke up with L for V and can't lie I was terrified of giving my heart to another man but I did whole heartly. Me and V have a undeniable chemistry between each other and although me and V have had our ups and downs these past few years I love that man and would love to marry him. I just don't know if he's ready, He has 3 kids which he had young so I think he had to grow up fast which he should've, but he's mother had both her legs removed surgrcly so he still lives with her to make sure she is taking care of properly. V and I have definitely had our moments but I just want us to be together forever and make it work only I don't think things are playing out that way because he's acting distant again. it's way more to this rant but I feel relieved enough. Thank for whoever took time out to read! be blessed!