So tomorrow morning I’m testing again.

I went to doctors at cycle day 52 because I noticed that my vaginal walls were swollen (and still are) since cycle day 42 (so now has been swollen for 15 days). No abnormal discharge, no pain, just extra squishy inside. Not normal for me. And only bfn. She said I’m not pregnant “just irregular” and I felt brushed aside because she told me my swelling was “not that bad” and was a “part of your normal cycle” so she didn’t have an explanation- and confirmed no yeast infection.

The last day we BD was cycle day 37. My most recent cycles have been between 32 and 36 days. Can’t say what’s “normal” for me because I haven’t been off birth control long enough.

I am currently cycle day 57. My last test at cycle day 53 was a bfn- though I swear I saw a vvvfl but my DH told me i was seeing things. I told myself I’d torture myself by waiting until exactly 3 weeks from last BD (which is now tomorrow) rather than to torture myself by taking a test every day and holding the test in every which way to see any vvvfl I could imagine.

I tried opk faithfully but never got a positive and then I ran out so I stopped, expecting to get my period and try again next month. But period never came. And I have never tracked BBT (though now I’m wishing I started when we started TTC.)

If I test tomorrow and it’s another bfn- am I crazy for wondering if I’m one of those rare cases that won’t get a bfp until 6 months in? Should I ask for an ultrasound? Am I crazy for not wanting to start a medication to make my period come back until I’m absolutely sure there is no baby growing inside me?

I know I can imagine the nausea, the cramps- but I can’t make my vaginal walls swell. And the doctor couldn’t give me any other explanation. “It’s a normal part of your cycle”. Yeah? Well not for me...