Alcohol issues

Tonight my man got drunk and told me he’s falling out of love with me. And that he feels like he’s been parenting me more than being my partner, “and you wonder why I don’t want to fuck you anymore”

(keep in mind that I am 20 years old, he is 38. Even tho we have a big age difference he has NEVER acted like a parent to me ever. He also owns a few company’s so he has slot of money and thinks that makes him above people)

I broke down and eventually after a hour or so of crying and him yelling and me telling him how much I love him he hugged me and pretended like everything was okay.

I’m laying in bed sobbing right now while he fell asleep on the couch, because I’m not sure what to do anymore. He’s always sick and milking it to an extreme point but he can drink whiskey but can’t cuddle or anything and it’s at a point where I feel like I can’t talk to him.

We did have a convo the other day on text while he was at work (he works away for 3 weeks at a time sometimes) and we didn’t talk like we normally did which usually is all day but I did tell him I was having bad thoughts and lots of emotions (feeling like our relationship is over)

he said we are going to be okay and he loves me and not to worry, that he’s been in my place before “holding onto someone so tight you lose yourself”. Which i do agree with.

But I’m confused now.

I should mention that we have had problems for a little while. He drinks excessively, drunk phone calls to me which are horrible, i lost my job because I wanted to be home when he was home (he only gets a day or two off at a time) I got depressed because I don’t feel like he’s trying to save us, we haven’t had sex in two months with me trying and him legit saying no.

I love him so dearly. But I am so lost and I do not know how to fix it. He is my first real love, partner, experience in this shared life. I don’t want to hear all that basic leave girl because I already know everyone thinks that.

Can anyone relate to me? I’m at a breaking point and I just need to know that I’m not crazy for loving him anyways and that maybe I can work through this.