Never felt more alone

I've never felt more alone in a relationship. Im cold. Im numb. We live under the same roof yet occupy space in 2 different places. We don't hold each other anymore. You don't look at me the same. We kiss once maybe twice a day and only say I love you when parting ways. Our wedding date was set for October 6th this year. We pushed it out because we wanted to be more financially ready. Be more responsible. Do you even love me anymore?? Like, theres a huge difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. And I don't know where we stand with that. I love you. With every single ounce of my being but, somewhere deep inside me I dont think we are going to last.

In my last relationship i got to the point where before we broke up i would cry myself to sleep because we would fight over stupid little things.

Tonight I found myself starting that pattern all over again. Im grown though. Ive matured since that last relationship. Im a big girl. Im strong and capable of so much greater. Instead of crying i looked in the mirror thinking to myself, what have i become? What am i going to become? Am i ready for you? Or better yet... Are you ready for me? Im full of greatness yet im so scared of my own life that i dont even know what im doing or who i am anymore.

I need to find me again...