is this bad?

for as long as i can remember i have been extremely uncomfortable/scared around my father. it’s not all the time, but he does certain things that make me feel so uncomfortable. for one, he slaps my ass. i tell him not to touch me and he gets mad. he’ll also pinches it sometimes. i just hate it. he says stuff about “spanking me” or “beat me” and when i say i’m uncomfortable he says i’m being ridiculous. he’s very manipulative, and he will use that against me. like if i have plans or want something he will hold it over my head to make me do things for him all the time. it’s so frustrating i start crying often and he makes fun of me for that. he calls me names all the time like “brat” or “spoiled brat” or “selfish”, usually when i don’t do these favors for him. he says i don’t care about anyone but myself and that i’m so lazy. it’s hurtful even though i know it’s not true. he’s been violent in the past, but not often enough to be reported or anything. i’m just tired of it and don’t know how much more i can take. i live with him full time (i’m 15 and my parents are divorced) and i can’t move back in with my mom because she lives an hour away. i feel worthless and stuck and i don’t know what to do. the worst part is he makes me doubt this and i feel crazy. he will do something mean then try and make up for it and act like nothing happened. i’m just so done

i hope that makes sense. it’s all over the place, i know, but i just had to get these thoughts out before i explode.