Sorry for the rant, but ive got to get this off my chest.

So me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 months. I’m 23 and he’s 28. They love him, and he loves all of them just as much, so that’s not the issue. He’s someone I really love to death and trust and someone who is exceptional and treats me like a queen and respects me. This is the best thing thats ever happened to me.

We were thinking about taking a weekend trip to the mountains in a few weeks. I told him I’m 100% down, I’m just really scared my family won’t let me. They wouldn’t even let my brother go to the beach with his gf and her family. We’ve all been so sheltered and anytime something like this comes up, they say “not a good idea since you’ve been sheltered so much.” And it’s like WHOS FAULT IS THAT?? That’s been eating me alive all day. I know how they are, they’re super strict and super religious and try to force it all on me, when I’m not really religious. But it’s best that I not tell them that or the shit really will hit the fan. It’s frustrating.

Anyway, it’s just embarrassing how people are like “you wanna do this totally normal thing?” And I have to say “no my parents won’t let me.” It’s so infantilizing and downright disrespectful. The only trips I’ve ever been allowed to go on were church trips and family vacations. 🤢Which was fine, but i just want one trip where I’m not on a stupid itinerary or having to tag along with my huge family.

I just feel like I’m stuck. It’s like, living here im not allowed to do stuff, and I don’t think they’d let me move out until I got frickin married 😩 I really am stuck. I get so bitter watching other people my age doing normal shit like going away to college, traveling with their bfs/gfs, getting their first apartment, but yet I’m being treated like a defenseless teenager. It’s always been like that for me. I’ve never been allowed to do stuff other people my age were doing. But there’s nothing I can do about it without causing some huge catastrophe, so I just have to deal with it for now.

I’m hoping this bad attitude is coming from pre-pms and not a real life bad feeling. It’s just not fair how I’m not allowed to make decisions like this myself. Sometimes I wish my family wasn’t religious so stuff like this wouldn’t be an issue altogether. It’d be different if I was religious too, but since I’m not it’s really infuriating. And it’s sad because there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it and it makes me want to blow my brains out or run away.

I just feel like I’m missing out on so many wonderful experiences just because my family views virginity the same way people look at and drool over brand new cars never touched or driven by anyone. I’m not a fucking new car. They’ve said stuff like “No man wants a woman whose been touched.” Any man that has that attitude needs to be shot in the fucking face honestly. No one treats men like that. The same men with that attitude have probably fucked every creature that has a hole in it. Sorry.

Please help 😞