I wish my family wasn’t so religious 😞

Lately, I feel like religion is tearing this family apart. A few months ago my stepdad lost his job because he felt like “God told him to own up to taking the computers from the dumpster and selling them”. Which is fucking stupid because they were in the dumpster. They fired him on the spot. After that he became a bible-thumper and I noticed he gained a hatred for the gays, even complained about the psychic commercial, and the birth control commercial. Stuff that has nothing to do with him at all. I love him dearly because of how he provides for this family, but listening to him rant about stuff “in the name of the lord” is sickening.

My grandma is the same way. She’s always preaching about something. Im 23 still living at home and she lives with us too. And I just feel like I don’t have a choice in anything. I wasn’t allowed to live on campus when I was in college, I had to be home at 9 every night, regardless of how much work I had to do. If it was up to her I’d never be allowed to do anything until im 40. It’s infuriating. About 2 years ago, my ex was an atheist. At the time, I was not. Everyday she said the same stuff over and over again just to turn me against him, and kept telling me to “ask him this, tell him this, don’t do this...” And finally things did go south because of it. But I didn’t care, I accepted him for who he was. In the end he turned out to be an asshole for unrelated reasons.

And yes, I’m still dragged to church every Sunday because I don’t want to upset my grandma. Because I really do love her dearly, she basically raised me while my mom worked and she does so much for me. And my boyfriend who isn’t religious either comes with me for support. But I’m afraid she’s gonna ask him something uncomfortable and he’s gonna say “oh I’m not religious” just like my ex did and I refuse to lose him over stupid shit like that.

My ex agreed to come with me one time, and this crazy red headed lady randomly comes up all crosseyed and asks him “Do yew believe God as your lawrd and savierrr???” And he said “no I’m an atheist.” Which was good, I didn’t want him to lie. So she ran and told my grandma about it and that’s when the bullshit started. Honestly that was the worst year of my life, and if I knew my current relationship would end like that, I’d kill myself right now honestly. I can’t take the constant preaching and her treating me like a puppet, telling me what to say to him. I’m not about to lose someone who loves and cares about me JUST because of someone else’s opinion about something that doesn’t exist. I can’t go thru that again.

I just feel stuck. I’m supposed to go on a weekend trip to the mountains with my boyfriend in a couple weeks but my mom keeps dragging out giving me a solid answer. And it’s not fair that I don’t have a choice. It’s all about their religion and what they think is “right” for me. They probably assume it’s all about “seeexxxxx” when really it’s not. It sucks that I have to miss out on a great trip because of THEIR religion. What am I supposed to do? At this rate I’ll be living here until I’m 40. I just get so bitter when I see all my friends traveling and doing great things and having wonderful relationships that their families don’t try to ruin. It makes me want to kill my self honestly. Because I know there’s nothing I can do. I wish religion would just stop completely. In the past 2 years, I’ve seen it do nothing but tear my family apart and tear this country apart.