On Friday night, my friends and I had a girls night and a bit of a farewell thing for one of our girls who was leaving the following day. The night started off good and all was well. My ex boyfriend pitched as well. It’s a small town, so there are limited places for partying and most people go out to the popular clubs, including the one we were all at. And there was no drama with my ex, we had a peaceful break up about 2 or so weeks ago. But we broke up because our relationship was quite toxic and I did not want that to spill over into my life anymore.

As the night progressed, my best friend of 17 years got wasted. I was not prepared to drive her home because I had been drinking as well, so I had decided I’d uber home later. I figured I’d ask our mutual friend to take her home. I was reluctant to leave her because she was drunk and at that point, my ex walked past and asked what was going on. I told him that she’s getting ready to go home so I just wanted to go and organize her a lift. He offered to wait with her while I got the lift organized. I didn’t think anything of it, because he knows how close we are and that I always take care of my own. Anyhow, I left and got the lift organized. I went back to the table, and they weren’t there. I called her phone and she said they’re outside, by my car because she wants to sleep this thing off. So I went to the balcony of this club and opened my car for her with my keys. I saw her getting in and my ex hanging outside the car. I put that at the back of my mind, for about 10 minutes. My other 2 friends (one who I’ve been friends with for 17 years as well), decided that nope it’s time bounce now, we’ll uber from my vehicle because it was raining out. As we were walking out, my second oldest friend got side tracked by greeting someone and we went ahead. As I’m approaching my car, it hit me that my friend was in there because my windows were extremely steamed up. Then it hit me again that I didn’t see my ex coming back to update me on how she was. Not wanting to think the worst, I walked up to my car, unlocked it, opened the door, and found them having sex. In my car. In my entire damn life you guys.

Needless to say, it became a mess after that, she immediately played the denial game saying nothing was going on, even though my friend and I saw this whole thing. His penis was inside her vagina. For some reason, he got upset that I was getting upset, and some how things escalated to him trying to strangle me next to my car. That’s the kind of toxicity I had been running away from. My other good friend was worried he would end up putting his hands on me, and it’s exactly what happened. My brother is a cop and I called him immediately, and once my ex heard that I’d called him, he ran off like the little bitch he is. I mean, its one thing to betray me like that, but to still put his hands on me, for something he did?? Absolutely unacceptable.

But that betrayal obviously doesn’t sting as much as what my best friend did. We called each other soulmates, that’s how deep I believed our friendship was. She claims she was drunk and doesn’t remember anything. I’d say I believe her, but this is not the first time she has tried the person I’m with or was with. The first time I gave her the benefit of the doubt, this second time though.. it went way too far, and the level of disrespect was so sky high, it legit showed me flames. But at this point, I told her that I need my time and space because this is something that was on another level. It’s like she expects me to forgive her because she was drunk. She’s on the tip of, she can’t account for what she did, because she blacked out. But I refuse to believe that one persons’ moral compass doesn’t ping when something dodge is going on. Because if that is the case, then that means we are all shitty human beings who allow booze and hormones to dictate what we do and that loyalty between friends is just a myth. And one thing I refuse to do, is lose hope in humanity because of what two people, who I thought cared about me, did.

Excuse the long post, I’m still trying to process everything and look for a way forward. I have no doubt that I’ll forgive them eventually. I refuse to be the type of person who holds on to grudges and feelings of hate. But I don’t know what that means for this friendship that I had thought was an epic story that we would one day tell our kids. I’m torn between trying to resolve what is left of the friendship (but how?) or just letting it go once and for all.

As for my ex, I don’t have time nor will I ever have time again for a man who lays his hands on a woman. He’s trash and he knows that I believe he’s trash.

Your advice and insight would be greatly appreciated. Apologies again for the super long post 🙈