Broke a promise

I promised my boyfriend i wouldnt cut and we got into a really bad fight and i fellt really guilty and i took the blade after being clean for half a year and later on he texted me out of the blue that he really hopes that i dont cut. When i told him i had he just told me he was dissapointed and hurt because i broke the promise i had goven to him and now i just pretty much wish i could die in any way

What do i do now ive never fellt this bad