Im so lost, please help.

Hi, I normally wouldnt go online and talk about my personal life. But I really in desperation and it seems like the community here are very supportive and active so here goes nothing. Im a 18 years old currently living in Vietnam, my family, straight to the point is very strict.

Recent years, the relationship between me and my dad are becoming very unhealthy and it has contribute a big part of why Im depressed. We are a wealthy family, with 6 kids, its alot of stress for my dad to handle, since my parents divorced at a young age (He currently have a wife and multiple girlfriends). Although we are wealthy, I never really liked using his money and Im currently have a full time job working in a proper company.

My dad is a caring person, he cares for his family alot. But the way he educate us, especially me, isnt ideal. He uses alot of harsh words like calling me a whore and comparing me to my mom and it got heavier and heavier as I lived in that home. Couple months ago, I was kicked out because I went out late at night to met my boyfriend. Ive stayed in my mom place for 3 months until he convinced me to go back home, and in that 3 months I could tell that I was happier, but I miss home because of my siblings and my mom is never there with me (as you can tell i dont feel like I have a mom at all, even with the good care of current wife, I know her intetion of taking care is pure out of "responsibility" and stay good in my dads eyes, so alot of things wasnt real). And truth be told, Ive never hate him, I look up to my dad alot, Im proud of him, but he never seemed to be proud of me. My life has been consisting surrounding them, decisions Ive made is because of him. I got more frustrated and unsure of what I am as a person. I dont know what I want to be and I dont know what I want to do, and Ive started to feel more insecure about myself to a point I dont find motivate in trying anymore.

Last night, after ive realized how badly it has affect me and my relationships with people and especially my boyfriend (Hes depressed as well and hes trying to push his down to make me feel better, but hes aware that it didnt help and it makes him feel heavier when hes with me, we both aware that its unhealthy to keep being like this, but we dont wanna give up yet) I wanted to talk to him, and Ive brought all my courage to asked for a talk, because thats what weve been missing. Communication. But after Ive tried to ask him what can I do better to be a better self, and I want to talk about us. He didnt even listen, the next thing I know, he started bringing up everything. He talked abt my mom, how he has no hope for me, how how will this talk work because he doesnt trust me in bettering myself and that no one is gonna want to invest in me...etc. and it just completely destroy me. Because all I ever wanted is him to listen to me, just for once. All i know what to do was cry. I couldnt speak. And that was the end of out conversation.

Ive been thinking. I want to leave that house, to start over. I want to be me again. But I cant make that decision if all do is living under his shadow. I dont know what to do. Because no matter what Im still his daughther, and Im the reason why he stayed in Vietnam in the first place. I just want to hear some of your thought, especially adults. Because Im so lost. And I dont have anybody else I could ask for help.