HATE SEX NOW? What is WRONG WITH ME!?!

I need some advice. I'm hoping im not the only one going through this...but I had my first baby 5 months ago via c-section. It's been 5 MONTHS and I HATE...HATE the thought of sex with my husband, sex in general and when I give in for his sake, which has been about 4 times in the last 5 months, I HATE IT, I feel disgusting, and can't wait until it's over, I love my husband but I feel disgusted while we are having sex, and all I want to do is get up, shower, and go back to tending to my son. And forget about all of it. Before and during my pregnancy we used to have sex A LOT. And I LOVED it. I'm not sure if I don't like it because of the things we have gone through since our baby was born in our relationship that are making me maybe not attracted to him? Idk. But I'll list them.

- wasn't very attentive when I was pregnant

- was very unhelpful after I had C-section 2 months early to our son, I had to fight trough the pain and do everything on my own, because he would have an attitude when I'd ask for help.

- wasn't there for me or my son when he spent 33 days in the nicu, he never wanted to go and see the baby. And didnt even care about me, ignored me when I told him I thought I was experiencing PPD

- put us in outstanding debt, with out any intention or desire to fix it

- never helped me with our new baby and still barely does

-Never was romantic

- hit up a girl he uses to be obsessed with and flirted with her

Iv discussed all of this with him, about how he treats me and he said he would fix it, Iv tried telling him we should try Counceling but he said he doesn't see the point, it's just another person other than me to tell him what he's doing wrong hes kinda trying...but I just can't seem to forgive him..I feel like it took a moment in my life that was supposed to be joyous and left me all alone...when all I needed was him by my side. And he wasn't...

....I see him as a child now, I don't see him as a Man...idk if that's the issue I'm having or if its just hormones still? Because even before, he was still kinda shitty to me, the sex was still good back then. Idek...I just feel crazy, and disgusted. Yesterday we had sex for the first time since Christmas and I wanted to cry the entire time, I felt no connection to him, even before I was able to force it but this time I just couldn't, I tried so hard not to cry, I felt so disgusted and disgusting, I even tried thinking about other men to get me through it, even that didn't work. I wanted to just push him off me....if I tell him it'll only hurt him. I just hate this and myself....idk what to do. I feel like a shit wife. I never would have imagined this would happen