Still have Mom guilt
I wanted so so badly to breastfeed my daughter and I couldn’t. Had no supply my daughter wouldn’t latch didn’t have a lip or tongue tie just wouldn’t and wouldn’t suck unless there was already a flow so used used the SNS with formula and whatever I could pump for a while and a nipple shield but it was a struggle every feeding. I have small pointy breasts which I was told could’ve been a contributing factor as to why I have no supply couldn’t even pump more than 1/4 of an oz with pumping every two hours for over 6 weeks. I tried mothers milk tea, lactation cookies, pills, drinking TONS of water and eating everything that could possibly increase my supply even just a little. Nothing worked. I wanted to keep trying but after my husband went back to work it was just to hard to pump and try to feed her and take care of her by myself. My breasts didn’t get any bigger while I was pregnant though my aureolas did get darker and bigger and even had colostrum while pregnant if I squeezed my breasts some would come out but I still couldn’t breastfeed and even tho my daughter is 3 months now and doing great is so much happier now that she’s getting enough food I still am so sad I couldn’t breastfeed her and I feel guilty like I shouldve tried harder but I don’t know what else I could’ve done. I saw 4 different lactation consultants in and out of the hospital, plus 5 nurses in the hospital and none could get my daughter to latch right or for any length of time. I look back on the first 3 weeks of her life before we finally decided to give her bottles, was doing the SNS until then and i didn’t enjoy her at like I should have. I was crying every day at every feeding and so was she because she wasn’t getting what she needed. That also makes me feel guilty because I can never get those 3 weeks back theyre just filled with sadness. I feel like I should be over this because she is doing really well and her doctor says she’s growing perfectly but I’m not and I feel like I never will be. Every mother i know has never had a single problem breastfeeding and I don’t know any other mother who’s baby had to use formula which only makes me feel worse because I feel like a complete failure plus completely alone
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