College Relationship Problems!!

HELP!! I need someone to read this really long rant and tell me what it all means.. So a little background on me.. I’m about to be a junior in college and have pretty much struggled with anxiety, depression and trust issues since I was pretty young. I grew up with not the best examples of relationships around me, and in high school started “dating”, even though it was never anything serious and the guys never wanted a title so it wasn’t even really dating. I’ve always had REALLY toxic guys in my life, and have been in abusive situations. The relationship I’m in now is really my first relationship I’ve ever really had, and it got pretty serious pretty quickly. I’ve always been very independent, sassy, and closed off because that was just how I was raised. My boyfriend is aware of my past, and used to think he was really respectful of it and wouldn’t force me to do anything i didn’t feel comfortable with because of it. He used to always tell me how thankful he was to have me and would recognize my worth, but I feel like now it’s not like that. We have really bad communication problems, because every time I try to open up and tell him something that’s bothering me he quickly becomes defensive and always defends his actions, and even when we argue he just says “whatever” and changes the topic. When i tell him that won’t resolve anything he’ll tell me “well I obviously wasn’t mad enough about it to want to continue talking about it”. He used to get mad at me for not telling him until the end of the day i was having a bad day because of my depression and that would spark an argument, but when i do have bad days because of my depression, he quickly turns it around to being about him and how my issues affect him and he just kinda leaves me by myself and won’t respond to me for hours, and when i do have bad days that’s when i feel the most alone because i don’t even have him to talk to. And every time we go on break from college (we live four hours away from each other), I feel like our relationship doesn’t even really exist because he’ll bail on FaceTime call dates, and won’t respond to me for hours on end because he’s always with his friends. I honestly don’t care he hangs out with his friends and I encourage it, but I just want to feel like he even wants to talk to me, you know? We’ll be dating for six months next month, but now I’m wondering if I even do love him, or if I just loved the idea of him loving me. Because we are doing long distance for the summer and only have our phones to communicate, it’s rough. But when we did see each other everyday he would text me back immediately and be so lovey, but now that we’re far apart and need the lovey stuff the most, I’m the only one trying. He never tells me anymore he’s thankful for me or loves me unless I say it first, and then he’ll respond with “love you” or “you’re the best thing that’s happened to me” then quickly change the subject to something about him. He’s never even told me why he’s in love with me, and i don’t think it’s asking for much for him to try in this relationship instead of me always trying and sending him goodmorning and goodnight texts and random “i love you”s to make him feel loved and appreciated. I just want the same.. I know this whole post seems to be dragging him, but I just need someone to tell me what this means since I’ve never had a boyfriend before and it honestly really hurts..