Suicide thoughts :( TMI

This is not a attention post I just don’t know what to do. My heart goes out to everyone feeling the same, I’m lost on what to do. Slowly giving up. I’m 19 years old and I’m fed up of life already. My mum and dad split up when I was young and we came to England as I’m from Italia and my dad and all my family are in Italy. I didn’t have a good life growing up, my mum had her own problems and used drugs and was around the wrong people and she’s a very nice person when she wants but she’s a alcoholic and always falls out with me, abused me verbally, threatened to knock me out, always kicked me out. I’ve had to work from the age of 16 full time, to provide for my self as she didn’t have a lot of money . I had to move and fend for my self from the age of 17/18. I work full time and everything I earn is to pay for my life , house bills ect, medication costs, I don’t have a life or can’t even afford to treat my self. I couldn’t even go to University because I have to worry about living and fending for my self z I’m alone and feel crap, now my lease is up and I’m trying to find somewhere new to live cheaper, as im paying £700+ a month now justfor the house and all the bills and I’m behind on bills, can’t afford the upfront cost for a new place, I’m so fed up. All my life I’ve been with out, I’m falling out with my boyfriend as speaking to him about it is upsetting me as him and his mum and dad are wealthy, and my boyfriend has a car and everything and he dosent pay for nothing, no car no phone or gym bill or nothing. And they are trying to help me but they keep sending me pics of flats and houses but I can’t afford the upfront cost , I’m sure they don’t mean it but it’s rubbing it in my face and reminding me every day that I can’t do anything and it’s causing me to bicker with him. I don’t know what to do and I’m scared as I’m having bad thoughts and feel like I’m giving up which is silly but I’m so fed up and sad. I don’t know where to turn