Im finding myself needing an outlet to just vent too. And hoping to find other women feeling in the similar way. Im so sorry its long :(

2 weeks before Christmas day 2015, my mom and I had an argument. My whole life she’s been in and out of rehab, long story short I told her she needs to go or we cant have any type of relationship. She told me I was a horrible daughter, I told her she was a horrible mother. I didnt know those were the last words id ever say to her. Christmas day, the day went on like every other christmas day, same routine, except driving past my grandmas house (where my mom lived with her) instead of stopping in and saying Merry Christmas. I ate dinner with my dads side of the family, I was super close to all of them including my dad. Anyways, it was a good day, got home, went to get into bed and I got a text from my dad, telling me he would be right over. (My parents have been divorced since I was 10, because of her problems) i knew that someone leaving our family gathering didnt make it home. But I was wrong, it was the other side of my family. My dad had told me that early this evening my brother had found my mom and tried to give her CPR but failed. My mom was so sad, if I had just called or stopped in, she would still be here today. She died thinking of my last words to her. How dare she choose to leave me, especially with those last words said.

Im currently 10 weeks pregnant and all I want to do is tell my mom. The farther along and the more my life is changing already into mom mode, makes my heart break even more. My baby will never have a grandma. Im totally alone, my dad or any of his family decided to disown me because I moved to another country with my babies father. I cant help but lay here and cry and wish for my mom.

Does anyone else have a similar story? Does not having your mother around make your pregnancy rough? :(

On a little happy note, my babys due date is December 30th- which is 5 days after my mom passing, and the exact day of my moms birthday. The Month I hated the most for the past 3 years, is now my favourite♥️