Extremely long post- year worth’s of emotions! -part 3

Soon after the wedding my family had to pack to move to their newly bought house. On the day they were loading the truck, my fil comes to my parent's house, and starts complaining, that what we did was not good, we disrespected them, we gave them the sweets they did not like , we did not give them enough cash. He brought some bad piece of clothing to return to us (to signify that he is returning what we gave to him), a hand written bill adding up to $115 and the cash amount of $115- this amount according to him signified the amount we spent in total on the gifts and clothes and cash for their family, when in reality the amount spent on just his families' wishes was $5000 And the amount spent on the wedding- food, venue everything was $35000. This was the cost they had to bear in addition to a house and a car. They had borrow from family and friends to get through this difficult time! It killed me inside and endless fighting with my fiancé was not helping at all. And there was no contribution from his family and his great father thinks that $115 will help us recover! This was the biggest insult my family had to bear, that too after doing everything in their power to keep my in laws and my husband happy, I had already made them go through so much and now this! My husband finally saw and agreed that this was so wrong on his father's part, but what difference did that make. What did he do to make that right? Nothing. He didn't even say anything to his dad. Rather, his dad showed that he was pissed at my husband for allowing their family being disrespected and so my husband ended up kissing his dad's ass trying to make him feel better. His mom started shedding crocodile tears in front of her son and everyone trying to show how disrespected they felt because my family did not do what they promised. Not only that, I was asked to call his family as much as possible to apologize for my family's actions, do some damage control and make them feel better because that was the only right thing to do. His family was so hurt after all these things and we had to do whatever to make them feel better. What about my family, what did they do to deserve this? What about all the disrespect and financial burden that they had to go through, all the stress and sleepless nights just to get their girl married off peacefully! And this was a love marriage! They had no compulsion to do all that but my in laws and husband kept pressurizing us endlessly for months! There was no one to tell his father what he did was wrong. And now I wasn't willing to have my family talk to them, I couldn't let them drop so low!

Because my parents were still not going to them and apologizing as my in laws expected, the complaints did not stop. They kept complaining to my husband and my husband continued to pressurize me and my family to speak to my in laws and make things right. Followed by endless arguments between me and my husband and how he constantly iterated the fact that my parents were so wrong throughout and his family had asked for nothing! As this went on I lost all hope. There were days when I spent in my room crying endlessly and no one to console me. My husband was upset from me too. Then as another month passed, my husband started planning for this year's trip to India, he plans to go every year and make me spend time with his family. He preferred planning for India trip rather than our honeymoon. He definitely knows his priorities! I was not convinced spending my yearly vacation of 4 weeks to go to India and get tortured. No one would want that, but my husband wanted to see his family and his friends so he insisted that we have to go. Well, my family is in the same city as his family, but after spending 45 hours traveling all the way there and back, the expectation is for me to spend only 20% of the time with my own family, the only place where I feel loved, and the remaining 80% of the time with my new family where I get harassed and tortured endlessly. But knowing that none of my resistance will make any difference to my husband, as always I dropped the topic. And the fact that he said ,if he could, he would go there twice a year, in spite of knowing what I have to go through, made me realize what a mockery he is making out of me. But every time I think about it, I can't stop crying, I cannot imagine going through that hell, and spending the rest of the year thinking about what happened and worrying about what would happen with me there during the next year visit. My husband assured me that everything will be good and he'll be there right beside me, but wasn't he right beside me the last time too, when I got harassed  and misbehaved to so many times. He was there throughout, what difference did that make? I do not believe my husband anymore, his words have no meaning and I have no incentive to go back there because I am not willing to bargain my time with my parents. He says if I don't go with him and live with him in his parent's house, he will not like it as that is extremely imp for him. So this is definitely an adjustment I have to make to keep things right with him. I love him, I always have and in this last year I have done everything to show him that and support him, but when he is the one who makes his family and himself dump all over me and my family without the slightest of hesitation or remorse, I realized I love myself more and no one has the right to make me feel any less than what I am. My parents have raised me as a strong girl who is no less than a boy, who was always taught and brought up to fight against the wrong no matter what, how could I take something wrong happening to me for so long, why did it take me so long to realize this, maybe my love for him blinded me towards the truth and the harm this was causing me. I cannot and will not be called a wife to a coward, someone who is so spineless, someone who refuses to acknowledge the filth in their minds even when you show it to them.

A little side note, my husband in general is v supportive and kind and loving, and that is what made me stay with him through 6 years. But this last year, I have seen a totally different side of him that I never knew existed. I have tried ignoring everything and forgetting everything that happened and moving on from there, but everytime those topics arise, or my husband forces me to talk to his family or talks about his excitement of going to India, my heart bursts in flames and I feel the harm caused has scarred my soul too much to make things better again. He knows I’m considering leaving him, so keeps coming up to me to make false promises and telling me how much he loved me. My brother told me the day he met him that he was spineless, but I always shushed him. Married for only 6 months and considering divorce. Am i doing the right thing or should I try forgetting everything and start afresh? Divorcing is hard but staying isn’t easy either.