Too soon to go back to work?
My husband and I had our first child 6 months ago. He's an engineer and I'm a surgeon so we had enough money between us for me to take a full year off work. Ive been off work for 7 months (I started maternity leave a month before my due date). The first month off was fine because I was so exhausted and I couldn't handle standing in the OR for hours at a time anymore. I was bored, but figured things would get crazy busy once the baby came.
At first, I was a bit overwhelmed with being a new mum. It was just a big change, but my mum came out and helped me settle into a routine. So now for the past 5ish months I've been going crazy. I love my daughter, she's wonderful, but shes an infant and that's not exactly mentally stimulating. My days are just boring. I wake up, feed the baby and get her ready for the day. I have breakfast on the table so my husband and I can eat together (something he used to do before I stayed home) and then I clean the house, do laundry, etc. I've even started mowing the lawn which has always been my husband's job. My home has always been very clean, but it's cleaner than clean at this point. I make lunch and dinner and sometimes I even have time to bake. throughout all this I feed my daughter and when it's nice out I take her for a walk or run in her pram. I've been reading her medical journals as stories just to try to keep my mind active (I don't know if that's a bad thing... but baby books are just so mudane and it's not like she understands what I'm talking about anyways). My husband keeps joking her first words are going to be intestinal intussusception , but I don't think that's really be a bad thing.
Social contact is minimal since my friends are all at work. I try to see them when they're not working as much as possible and of course my husband has been trying his best to spend lots of time with me and the baby. But, he has to work too. I've got neighbours, but we're not close as our interests are very different. I tried going to a new mums thing to meet people but hated it. The women were very nice, but I'm finding that SAHMs enjoy different subjects of conversation and aren't really interested in what I'm interested in. I mean I've spent over a decade studying to become what I am so medicine is really a huge part of me now.
I love being a mother, please don't think I don't. I desperately want to enjoy staying home with my daughter. But, I'm bored. I don't understand how other women do this every single day. Cooking, cleaning, caring for the baby it's all great, but I miss work so much. It was so busy and I constantly have to be thinking and making decisions. I enjoy all the mum and baby stuff, but every waking minute or every day.
I feel like I'm a failure as a mother or something because I don't want to be a SAHM. I always hear about women who struggle going back to work and I thought I'd be that way too. But instead I'm desperate to go back to work and basically counting down the days until I'm due back at the hospital. Is it horrible to go back now? I know I can easily go back since my position was unable to be covered (my specialty isn't too common) so really they'd love me to come back sooner. My hospital has a daycare and I can get her in there or my husband and I have talked about getting a nanny. I just feel bad about it. But I'm so unhappy staying home.
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