Too Little Too Late

I would love y’alls advise. (Please read even tho this is so long, I’m so sorry)

I had a guy best friend in 9th grade. (I am now in 11th and am 16 years old) It started out more than friends but didn’t last long because I couldn’t reciprocate the feelings, so instead we became friends but then best friends. But during this time of being “just friends” he still liked me very much. After 9th grade he moved schools because his mom was a principal of another. He still lives in the same house he just moved schools. And I started really missing him. I no longer saw him and at first we kept contact but we slowly lost it. We barely talk even now (1 year later). But I started missing him more than normal. And after a little bit I started wondering if maybe I had liked him more than a friend but never acknowledged it because he was always there when I wanted. Like the saying you don’t know what you have till you loose it. About a month into the next school year I noticed that I did have feelings and they were more than friends. BUT I pushed them to the back of my head thinking maybe they would go away. But the other reason was because I had a boyfriend. So I stayed with the guy I was with and kept pushing feelings away but then two months later, we will call him Noah for privacy reasons (the guy best friend), got a girlfriend. I immediately told him I was happy for him but was so sad because that meant he had gotten over me. So after I just minded my own business and stayed in my relationship. I hid my feeling for a year. And stayed with my guy for 9 months. Both huge mistakes. My boyfriend at the time was horrible to me while “Noah” would of been so much better. “Noah” has an amazing relationship with God and that is something I love and find deeply attractive. He is also very polite and will never expect anything sexual from you. (I strive to wait till marriage). He is essentially the “perfect” guy in my eyes. And I never saw it when he was around. Now to the part where I really messed up.

Last night I couldn’t hide my feelings anymore and we barely talked as it was and I knew that we would probably have to stop talking because he cares for his gf and she is also super controlling so even if he would want to continue talking, he wouldn’t out of respect for her. So I wrote him a paragraph on everything. From how I’ve liked him for a year, to how sorry I was, to telling him I would understand if he wouldn’t want to continue talking. And he said multiple things, he asked repeatedly why I didn’t tell him earlier to which I answered, you were with your gf. Then he said things like “between us, I would of came back if you had said something sooner” like what. Sooner? Him and his gf have been dating for 9months and I’m sorry but “sooner” at least to me, isn’t 9 months. So does that mean he still liked me while dating her? And then he said “I wish you would of told me, you would of made me so much happier.” But he also said he was glad I told him because stuff like that is hard to carry on your chest for so long. And then to a very sad but expected ending. He said we would have to stop talking until I was over him (and let’s not forget. I hid feelings for over a year. They aren’t gonna just randomly go away) and he also said that he would have to tell his girlfriend. But I don’t blame him, if I were his gf and someone told him that, I would want to know. So then we stopped talking and the next day his girlfriend added me on snap and sent me multiple paragraphs about how I am just trying to break them up and how I need to stop texting him and seeing him. Which I had already said I was gonna do 🙄

So to top it off. I shared something I never should of shared. Lost the guy. And got some angry girlfriend being all pissy with me. Does anyone have any advice? I’m not asking how to get “Noah” or how to break them up. I just wanna know what y’all would go if in my situation. Thank you for reading all of that 😂 but I need to talk to someone who doesn’t know us.