Can’t decide to terminate

Ladies help! I’ll start from the beginning: a year ago we had a discussion with my boyfriend with whom I’m living for 2 years now about have kids. His answer was “well, we can stop using protection and then see where it takes us”, I’ve started to actively ttc, but he was very passive about it. I did have heated conversations with him that it’s been more than 6 month and nothing’s happening. He was only saying that I’m rushing and there is time ahead and I should take it easy.

8 months into ttc, I got pregnant and then had an early miscarriage, we both went to the doctor and were sad and emotional.

Life continued. Another 2 months in, I got pregnant for the second time. A week after I told him he tells me that “it’s the bad timing. That I planned the whole pregnancy and he didn’t expect it to happen so early, that I didn’t listen to him and he felt pressured”. He couldn’t say no to ttc as he was scared for me being angry”. I lost a job and we are not very stable financially and he is not ready for it. I’m 5 weeks now and we had a conversation about how to move on, I was just listening and accepting his points. They were: “It’s wrong time, you need to find a job, maybe someday in the future. But now we need to terminate. “

I’m devastated and I feel that my relationship is crumbling into pieces. He doesn’t have kids and he is 45. And I know that this is the end and don’t know if I need to talk to him about and how to say it all.

At the same time it feels like I’m knocking at the wrong door and started to think that I’m in the wrong relationship as there is no support. The whole thing basically is based on my job according to him.

I’m all in tears and don’t know what to talk about, how to tell him and what to do. I never thought it wouldn’t be like that and I feel betrayed and lied to. All my points that “it takes two people and he knew what he got into” are pointless as he says that I got nuts with all my planning and didn’t listen to his concerns.

I really started to despite him and to hate him as he was calling the clinic to make an appointment for abortion. He fell so low into my eyes and I’m so angry at him.

I’m so torn and so lost.

What shall I do?!