20 month old SCREAMS at nap time and bed time

When we put my daughter down to sleep she sometimes screams for up to an hour+. To the point that it seems very unhealthy and I seriously need help/advice on what to do. If you think you can help read on because this might be a long post..

Here’s what we do...

For nap time- I lay with her and nurse her to sleep and put her down asleep. Any time I’ve EVER put her down awake for a nap she cries so much that she ends up not taking a nap at all which ruins bedtime because she’ll fall asleep a couple hours before bedtime and then isn’t ready for bed until really late. And if I put her to bed a couple hours early when she’s tired, she’s up all through the night and usually gets up very early. Not to mention when she doesn’t nap, I get nothing done. So that is why I put her down asleep. But about half the time she wakes up when I put her down and I either have to just skip her nap or lay with her for her whole nap

At night- I nurse her and then my husband comes in and takes her and I leave the room. He walks with her for a minute or 2 and then puts her down awake. This works well most of the time. She’ll usually lay right down and will go to sleep. But when it doesn’t work it’s really really bad. She will SCREAM the worst screams I’ve ever heard for over an hour sometimes. When that happens my husband will lay on her floor turned away from her just so she knows she’s not alone, and he’ll just wait for her to stop crying and go to sleep. When she cries for 10-15 minutes intervals or when she chokes, etc my husband will pick her up to calm her and then will put her back down and hope that’s the last time he has to do that. Tonight this went on for an hour and a half and was by far the most upset I’ve ever seen her. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever seen a child this upset in my whole life and I have no idea how her little body can scream like that for that long. I had tried playing music for her under her door since it worked last night but it didn’t help at all tonight. After about an hour of her screaming I ended up going in and forcing her to lay down over and over which made her even madder and she almost threw up 😫 what am I supposed to do?!

I feel like I should add that she was definitely tired before bed and was also happy and wasn’t hungry. I changed her diaper, brushed her teeth, read her a book etc. She has a clear and consistent bedtime routine. Same for naps. I’m really hoping someone here can help us because I’m really at my limit with this. TIA