Today is a bad day

My little girl (5) has gone on holiday with her aunty to get to know her cousins a bit better and my son (9) has gone to a friend's for a couple of days. I miscarried in February and today I'm feeling so incredibly sorry for myself. I want my babies home and I want to be pregnant. I genuinely believed last month was our month with getting faint lines in the time frame on 4 tests which all turns out to be evap lines because the following day took another 6 of the same brand and they was definitely negative. Af arrived like clockwork and today is cd3. I don't know of I have the energy to be this disappointed for very much longer. rationally I know im feeling so low and shitty because my babies are away from me and I'm not used to it but my god my heart hurts right now. my husband is trying to be loving and affectionate it just isn't enough tonight