I was scared shitless when I found out I was pregnant (2015). Being single and raised in a Catholic family, it didn't look good. Thankfully the situation was accepted for what it was--in the best way possible--and I wasn't disowned or anything like that. But the main thing that was said was:

"Well you're just gonna have to grow up really fast"

and

"I wouldn't want to give my baby up for adoption so you probably wouldn't either"

Being 22 at the time and having the support from my family and friends, obviously I was capable of having a kid. (I wasn't a teen mom or homeless, etc.) So I did it. And he's now a wonderful, beautiful, healthy 2 year old. And I love him.

...I just hate being a mom.

And it makes me feel terrible to say it, and only justifies the thoughts I have about not being worthy of him.

(Not to mention that I have BPD and the only info you find on parenting with BPD are the articles that explain how to recover from the traumatic events that come with having a Borderline mother....)

I know I have to get better. I'm seeing a therapist and taking meds, but I'm a long way from being well enough. I checked myself into the hospital once when it got to be too much.

(By the way, I understand that there are times when a patient is in critical condition and acute inpatient is for watching them closely while meds are adjusted and stuff...but seriously, 4 days really don't make a difference.)

I would like to go to a residential treatment center to have a more intensive form of care so I can feel like I'm actually getting shit done.

But again, being a parent, I would feel bad for taking that time away from my son and like I'm taking advantage of the help my parents have provided....

I don't know what to do.