My story

I'm 26, nearing 27, years old. When I was in second grade, around 7 or 8, I walked in on my grandfather masturbating to an adult cartoon. I loved cartoons and didn't understand what was going on. My grandfather didn't really explain. Instead he had me suck his dick. I didn't know that it was wrong. That not only was I too young for such an activity, but those type activities are generally something one does not do with family. That was just the first time. There were several others, but I seem to have deeply repressed the memories. One of the times he licked at me. The clearest memories are the first time and the last time though. The memory of me asking him why it tasted sweet (he was a diabetic) and then telling him I didn't want to on the way home from a school incident. The school incident is where I learned that "our secret" was a secret because it was a bad thing.

The school incident dealt with a boy in my class who knew too much for a kid and was using my desire not to lose a friend as a way to get me to... You guessed it. Suck his dick. Another student ran and told on us.

My parents couldn't pick me up when the school called, so my grandfather did. He wanted me to suck him on the way home. I didn't want to. He said one last time. Years passed after that. I buried the memories. No one else knew. I escaped all real issues by reading books. I didn't realize I had been orally raped until I was about 13. I still told no one. I spent a night with my grandfather and his new wife one night where I slept in a room by myself. When I woke up, my pants had been pulled lower. He blamed aliens. Said that was why they come to earth. For sex. I never slept alone in his house again, choosing instead to sleep near my step-grandmother. Then, shortly after I hit 16, the age of consent at the time, he asked me if I would have sex with him if he paid me. I turned him down and he never brought it up again. I never felt comfortable around him alone after that. I tried telling my dad about it at that point. But my dad said that he (my grandfather) had been drunk a lot when the second grade incidents had happened. Seeing as it was my dad's father who done it, I can almost understand why he would make an excuse for him. But I didn't need excuses. I needed support.

And my dad asked me not to tell my mom. She's been through something similar. Worse, actually.

My grandfather passed away more than a year ago. I wasn't sure how to feel. I was partially relieved and partially upset.

Now I just want to heal and move on.

I don't know how.