My mental health is seriously suffering lately. I feel secluded and like I have no one to turn and talk to because of how I will be judged. Perhaps I’m judging myself too harshly, but I feel paralyzed by it.

I escaped an abusive relationship 3 years ago and I feel like it still has negative effects on me. I seem to put my self worth in the hands of men and needless to say, but it never lasts and I end up feeling like garbage after. I feel so hollow and fractured I don’t know if I’ll ever find love. I didn’t have the greatest example of love growing up. From an outsiders perspective it looks perfect, but from my perspective I see so much pain and suffering. I’ve felt so much pain and suffering by the hands and words of my parents and seen then inflict so much pain and suffering on one another. I tend to think I’d be better off to forget about finding love and just enjoy myself and the people I meet, so I keep my guard up and have fun but then sometimes I catch feelings and end up feeling like shit when it ends but I can’t blame anyone else because I chose to act the way I did. I just don’t know anymore. I’m feeling so down today.