Post partum depression

I think I've been dealing with ppd. I get so angry about little things like my 3 month old daughter not sleeping when she should or crying when nothing seems wrong. I used to cry just about every time she would and have panic attacks every time she would wake up again at night. Now it's just anger and guilt. I feel like such a horrible mom but I can't stop those feelings from happening. She deserves better.

I can't even take a break because she is ebf and refuses bottles.

I struggle to feed myself or even shower. My husband is so worried that he wants me and the baby to move in with my mom because he works 10 hour days and feels helpless that he can't do anything to help. (Which is a huge no because we lived with my mom while i was pregnant and it was hell).

The worst part is that, because of job changes, I was on my father's insurance for the delivery. I've been off it since November 30th but can't go on my husband's until like January. So I can't see a Dr yet. Not that it matters. My husband and I moved 2 months ago and all the ob's in the area are booked until March. I feel so helpless. Just tell me i can make it until January. I'll just have to drive an hour to see my old ob once I can 😭😣

Last time I brought it up he said to just exercise and go outside though. 😒

I guess I'm just ranting. I'm so sad, I just want to enjoy my daughter. I love her so much and i don't want her to hate me 😭