Idk, what to do (very long story.)

Back ground info.

So ive been married for 4 years now. Before he was my husband we were best friends. Two years after we got married a couple of people in my family passed away and with in a 3 months one of them being my adopted mom. Also we had made a cross country trip to for him to meet/live his bio dad.. so im now in a state where i dont know anyone but my husband. On top of trying to grieve my love ones passing away. ( my mom passed in oct. we moved in nov. and another family member passed in dec). So i wasn’t trying to stop my husband from bonding with his family that he hasn’t seen since he was little.. so i ended up falling to this real bad depression. I would go on walks everyday and talk to his bff ( les girl) about my feels and stuff ( also she was the only one that asked how i was doing and she would check in on me all the time). So a couple days before Christmas i get really sick and laying in bed the whole time. I would ask my husband to do little stuff for me and his sister would get pissed and say some hurt things to me ofc he wasn’t arrogant to hear them. So a couple days after new years i woke up early took a shower and i was on my way downstairs to get some water and i over hear his “dad” tell him that he needs to tell me.. and that after we had to be out by noon. After 20 mins of my husband crying and telling me sorry and all this stuff he told me he been sleeping with the neighbors 22 years daughter.. and i asked y. Cuz even thou i was going my shit.. we still had sex when he wanted it. I never told him no. He told me it was my fault for not being there for him.. ( still have no idea what he meant by thT) .. so clearly i forgave him.. fast forward another year. We work at the same place Nd i find out that he is flirting with about 3 different girls. I asked him about it and he is like yeah i am.. but I’m not doin it to get with them im joking around with them.. so after a while i notice that he is really just playing around and shit... then one day randomly he comes up to me and tells me he wants to start trying for a baby. I ask him if he was sure. He said yes. For 7 months we try. And nothing.. that following month i went out of town for my sister wedding. I get this feeling to check his fb messages. Mind u i never go thru his fb or anything like that. Also we shated a phone so i never felt the need to. I try to shake this feeling for a couple days but finally I gave in and I checked.. this dude is kissing n trying to hook up the the lady that live directly above us.. a month later again I forgive him. A couple months go by and I noticed that we hadn’t had sex but maybe once or so. I asked him what was up. He told me he wasn’t in the mood. I said k. ( we use to have sex 5 times a day). After a couple months he picked up another job. So now he never home. At first I thought it was cuz we were a little tight on money. But now we got money. And not cuz of his other job. But now he is never home. He work over night at one job and he works from from 12 to noon on his other job. When he is home he sleep. Mind u i also work overnight.. but I also cook, clean, take out or dogs n make sure he is up for his other job. So back in oct. i went my home to see my family and to see my aunt who wasn’t doing to good. In that process i bumped into my ex from high school. We started talking and we exchanged numbers and what not. Once i got back home we stop talking. Then my aunt who was sick passed away and he started to check in on me.. every single day. Mind u i told my husband that my aunt passed away and he was at work or on his way. And he goes. “Oh im sorry. But ima call u back.” Doesnt call mw back. That night didnt ask me how i was doing nothings. Back to my ex and me. So my ex is checking up and stuff. We are now starting to talk texting all day n night. We talk about tv shows to our childhood to xbox.. us txting all day turns to us being on FaceTime all day.. then a couple weeks ago i get a long long long txt from him saying that he likes me and a very detail txt on what he likes about me and my husband is lucky to have me and that im crazy for stayin. I told him i didnt feel the same way about him.. he said cool and what not. Then fo his past week me and my ex havent spoken. I mean i get. Txt twice thru out the whole day. But then yesterday we FaceTime and i was happy and laughing and stuff Nd he pointed it out. He like how u gonna say u dont feel the same way when i see the way your face lights up when u talk to me. And all this other stuff. The truth is that i think i do have feeling for him. But i feel wrong for having feeling for him cuz of my husband. Yes my husband knows that we talk. Yes he knows exactly who he is.. he knows my ex has feeling for me. I tell my husband everything. So he knows. But i feel like my husband doesn’t care. And now that i see what my ex is talking bout now i wonder. ( me and him broke up cuz we were goin to different schools) i really dont know.. if i should even try to start something with him since i mean his is an ex. But i dont wanna hurt my husband. And my feeling for my husband is more like blah... and ive feeling been that way for a years or so. Idk help